ATTENTION! This blog post is not for humans. If you are a person, please leave the room immediately. I'll write something for just you in the future, but this post is only for cats. So shoo! SCAT! (That was fun!)
Okay, now that we have only cats reading, I would like to tell you that this is your first lesson from me, Lulu, on how to get along with humans. Some might call it manipulation, but that has a negative connotation. Oh what the heck, it is manipulation! But who cares? It works!
Today's lesson is about the power of the purr. Take notes if you like, but really this is not rocket science. This should be easy for you to remember. Oh, and speaking of rocket science (which humans have some understanding of), did you know that humans can't do this purr thing. Not only can they not do it, they don't know how we do it! That is so funny!!!! You just feel like it and then you do it. No big deal! They can travel to the moon and back but they can't figure us out?! That should tell you something about the proper creature hierarchy!
So . . . all together now . . . PURR! See how easy that is?! And just that makes these humans feel so happy! I know this because you hear it all the time around StreetCats. Oh, he's purring! Oh, listen to how loud she purrs! Oh, oh, oh!!! I can't hear him purring but I feel it! It gets pretty sickening actually. But Im just telling you cats, that if you want your servants to be willing to do anything you ask, and more, just give them those purrs. Do not forget this tip from me! Use it and report back during our next class about how it worked for you! You won't be disappointed!
Here is my favorite purr story. Of course I have the loudest, best purr of all the cats at StreetCats, that goes without saying. Well, one day I was startled awake from my nap by three humans standing around me smiling and giggling. Like I said, I was startled, because I was sound asleep! How rude was that?! And why were these humans so happy? Well, apparently I had been purring while sleeping soundly. So what's the big deal???? I guess I was having a very contented dream. But one person said she had never seen a cat purring while sound asleep and they all just thought it was so "cute." Gag me!
So let's hear it for purring! Purr when you're happy, purr when you're contented, purr when you're hungry. And yes, even purr when you're asleep! You will be amazed at what this unfathomable (to them) ability of ours will bring you! Purr, purr, purr!